I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
