She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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