even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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