We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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