wrigley field is MILF paradise
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
