I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
