Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
