Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she looked like the before picture.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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