Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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