Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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