im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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