my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
