Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
