I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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