u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
