you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
