I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
