my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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