my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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