I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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