He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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