We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
