Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
