For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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