So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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