Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
did i walk over a car last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
