Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
