sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
