Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
