kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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