hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
