theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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