Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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