Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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