he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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