he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
