there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
