Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
