she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize