why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
