Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
