How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
