I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
