I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
