is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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