maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
