If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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