the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
whose parrot is this?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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