your room smells of hookers.
And success
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
