so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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