I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize