God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
