hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
