too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize