So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
