That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
