he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
