Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
