Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
