You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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