Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
