I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
