Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Me too!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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