i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
COCAINE IS GR8
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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