Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
