he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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