my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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