I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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