Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
