I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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