Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
