I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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