I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
