Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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