So drunk its hurt
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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