Whod you bang
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
