I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
