I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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