First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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