I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
