Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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