and you said cock pushups were impossible
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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