I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
