Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
