ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
