Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
