I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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