My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
