it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
