your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
