saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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