I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize