If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
