This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
as a side note pls kill me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
