I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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