if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
