So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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