You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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