I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
