Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
