If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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