if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
