Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
