It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
