Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
