I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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