I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
