Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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